Saturday, August 31, 2013

To get to the other side...an essay on crossing the street

I grew up on Long (STRONG) Island, on a residential, one block long street that connected two residential streets that actually intersected.  There was no need for any car to go down our little lane, unless of course, that block itself was the destination.  Therefore, crossing the street was simple - if there was a car in the street, wait.  If not, cross.  And you could play in the street, as long as you were in the middle of the 20 house long block.
Maybe I'm observant, maybe I'm just bored, but I've given a lot of thought to the cultural mores of street crossing these days. The first place I lived that I felt had a very distinct street crossing culture was my natal city of New York, New York (the city so nice, they named it TWICE!).  You can always tell tourists from Manhattanistanis by this simple rule - do they, while waiting to cross, stand on the side walk or in the street?  At some point in history, New Yorkers decided that the first 3-5 feet of the street actually belongs to the sidewalk and can be occupied to indicate a desire to cross.  Hence, the famous joke "Why did the New Yorker cross the street?"  Answer "To prove to the taxis that he/she owned those 3-5 feet."  Umm, I'm sure that joke will catch on, maybe on a rebooted version of Night Court.  Note - it is also acceptable, in NYC, to thump, with one's hand, any car that dared to stop in the crosswalk.
When I lived for three months in India, I took one look at the street crossing culture and the scales dropped from my eyes.  I had SEEN this before.  From some of my earliest childhood memories and obsessions, it all came flooding back.  This was FROGGER.  If you don't know the arcade video game FROGGER - 1.  Don't try to cross a street in India and 2.  You must be either <20 or >90.  3.  Find it, it will teach you important lessons.
As I recall, in FROGGER you are a frog trying to get to your lily pad.  First, you have to avoid several lanes of traffic.  Then you have to not fall into the water (it's unclear why this would hamper a frog) by hopping onto floating logs...be very careful to avoid the alligators!  The alligators are the best part, as a quick scan of the screen sometimes confuses them with the logs adding a degree of difficulty. Now, this is how you cross the street in India, just like in the game.  You have to jump forward between rows of cars.  Once you commit to the street, you are in and of the street.  There will be cars to the left of you, cars to the right....there you are stuck in the middle..plus cars ahead and behind.  While cars in India supposedly drive on the left hand side of the road, in actuality, it can be said that they drive on either side of the road.  You must swivel your head and scan the entire screen like the legendary frog.
As in FROGGER, cars are not the only hazard on your way to lily padded nirvana.  There are also alligators.  Except these alligators are stray dogs and cows.  The stray dogs will be along the edges and are usually no big deal, the real problem is the cows.  Cows are in the street and are treated as honorary black holes - touch one and you evaporate.  You must avoid these cows at all costs and realize that a car will hit YOU before it hits a cow.  Seriously.  Cows laying down in the road, and yes, they do this, are the closest things to lane markers in the subcontinent.
Again, my advice to you is...if you are terrible at FROGGER, don't try to cross a street in India.  My father, who was born in British India, later Pakistan (the same rules apply in Pakistan, but no cows), is an exceptional FROGGER player.
And now, my new home, Kyrgyzstan.  There are two street crossing eccentricities here in Bishkek, the first one was quite obvious, the second one took me a bit to figure out.  The first is based around the fact that there are not three phases to the stop lights here, but four.  They are, with their American equivilants - 1.  green = green...GO!  2.  blinking green = yellow...SLOW DOWN!  3.  yellow = red...STOP!  4.  red=red/green.  GO!  Let me explain what a red light is...for the traffic that has been moving, it is a red light, but for the traffic that has been stopped, it is a green...as in, as soon as you see opposing traffic flinch and slow down, you go, even though your light is red and their's might be yellow still.  With this knowledge, you can safely cross only when parallel traffic has a green or blinking green...if it hits yellow, haul ass!
The second quirk is a function of massively broad streets.  Some streets in downtown, like Chui Prospect, are wide enough for about 4-6 lanes in BOTH directions.  There are only two lanes each way, so most of the street is sort of a street-like walking place/parking lot.  That in itself doesn't cause any major difficulties, but, in the vein of keeping these spaces majestic, there are few, if any traffic lights on them.  You could walk about .5-1km to find one, but that's not very sporting.  There are crosswalks labelled and cars are SUPPOSED to stop for pedestrians in them...
They do stop, but I still can't figure out how to tell which car will stop and/or why.  What I've decided on is, in order to cross safely in Bishkek city...find a native and follow them.  I call it my Fullback Attack or the Jerome Bettis Strategy.  So, I sidle up to the car part of the street and wait inconspicuously for a Kyrgyz national.  Sometimes they don't even break stride and I fall in next to them.  Sometimes they stop and wait for a minute or two - I can't discern any difference in the traffic conditions, but apparently, they can.  And then we cross the street, blithely in tandem.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I will follow 10 year old girls, using their wisdom to keep me safe...in my quest ...to get to the other side.

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